In early February I was blessed to receive the gift of spending a weekend surrounded by nature and peace, while becoming fully in tune with all that is going on inside of me, and all that I truly am. At Esalen in Big Sur, Mike and I attended a weekend retreat with Sri Raniji Kumra, where we focused on Living in Awareness, and were very fortunate to have received numerous heart to heart blessings.
What I became aware of in my time here, was the idea that most of us tend to look towards each other for happiness, and often fulfillment. I find it agreeable to say that community relationships are invaluable; however, it is important to understand that true contentedness, ease and pleasure in life must first and foremost be discovered from within. As Raniji mentioned, "You can achieve all things in the physical domain, but still find yourself unhappy due to emptiness.." What we must be aware of is all that is going on inside of ourselves; we must acknowledge who we are, the emotions, thoughts, ideas and passions that make us "what is." I was reminded by Raniji, that the journey begins with "what is", not "what should be."
Once you are able to look inside, and clearly acknowledge all that is there, all that exists in raw form inside of who you are, and stripped free of the decades of layers of all physical and emotional experience... And then the next step is let go, clear your slate of any judgements made, release the presumption that you 'know', based purely on perception of your past.
I arrived at this weekend retreat convinced that I was content in each relationship in my life. After days of quietly reflecting, and listening to my inner-most soul, a light had been switched on, a light that I didn't know existed in this body of mine. With energy that rose, all then current thoughts and feelings took over, and I witnessed, silently reminding myself to just be aware, to let the thought exist, feel it move through, let it come and watch as it leaves. This went on for the weekend, as I sat in physical silence, hearing so many whispers of my life echoing through my heart and my being.
I left Esalen with immense gratitude for all that I have, and for all that I am. The fundamental idea of the weekend was to experience all. All beauty, and all pain. "Experience it, and be free of it - don't sweep it under the carpet, or save it for a rainy day - experience it completely, and then move on."
"Be aware, of all that is inside of you - No wrong decision can be made from here." ~ Sri Raniji Kumra.
